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 Ushiji Clan

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Genin

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Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 8:51 pm



Clan Information



Ushiji Clan

Bloodline Name: Jinto

Bloodline Ability:  When the user is traumatized physically or mentally,they enter the Jinto state. The users muscles will increase a noticible amount and gain a blue aura. Their hair will shoot straight up,and will color into a light purple. The speed and strength will increase greatly,2x the users normal power. . Chakra cost: 40 per post. Duration: 5 post maxium. Cooldown: 5 posts.

Physical Traits: Normally,the user is just like a normal human. But as stated above,the user grows muscles with a blue aura. They also gain spiky purple hair shooting straight up.

Location: Hyougagakure No Sato

Clan History:  The Ushiji is known for the notorious Jinto form (above). The Jinto clan takes back 10,000 years ago,where little is know about them. Every 150 years,5 Ushiji are recreated,Kritika being 1 of the current. These daysthe Ushiji isnt very known,but is noticed by elders in battle.


Last edited by Kritika on Wed Dec 17, 2014 12:49 am; edited 4 times in total
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Chuunin

avatar
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
190/190  (190/190)

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:33 pm

First- as I told you in the chatbox, your clan's activation needs elaborated on. Simply saying "trauma" is very vague. Please explain if it is physical or mental trauma and if it is instant or progressed.
Second- this is akin to pseudo-8 gates, we have an 8 gates system close to being published and this clan would technically be a loophole. So it needs reworked given my corrections as well as some fundamental changes.
Third- The description says "The speed and strength will increase greatly." this is definitely too vague to approve. Considering the difficulty & skill for the 8 Gates, approving of a clan that grants the same kind of benefit with so few drawbacks won't happen.
Four-The fact that your chakra drops to 1, basically means you are dead, close enough anyways to prevent you from continuing to fight. IF a clan like this were to get approved, the transformation would have a duration and afterwards, you would be unable to fight. I recommend lowering your expectations on the DBZ power factor and adding a chakra cost per post for your transformation.

Dragon Sky Kick- As a D Rank in itself, this jutsu would do minimal damage. Also, it is a two-strike kick, not a rapid motion of kicks, so it would be a 1 post duration, not 3 posts. Elaborate on the damage it does.

Giga Punch- While the duration of this jutsu is right, a Taijutsu would not have an elemental affinity- that would be Ninjutsu. Also- regenerating the rock hand after being cut is very vague in detail and could be easily abused. If someone were to destroy this rock hand, you wouldn't be able to regenerate it your next post and use it. If they knick it with a sword, there's no need for it to need to regenerate even. The damage of this jutsu is very vague as well- in our guide, it clearly describes the amount of damage each ranked jutsu can do.

12 Markings of Time- First, I am going to address the biggest issue with this jutsu. Time jutsu/abilities are banned. Second, it cannot be "Can be used as all" of both type & specialization- it has to be a specific kind of jutsu with a specific kind of specialization. Also, a 12 second window wouldn't be a duration of 5 posts(You realize you would be freezing time for 5 posts) Further, the way this jutsu is made & explained is an auto-hit & auto-kill, that's godmod & OP at its finest. Even if this were approved(which it won't) it would be a "once per topic" jutsu, not 20 post cooldown.
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Genin

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Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:36 pm

3 posts. 1 for readying the attack,2 for the first kick,and 3 for the second kick.
When I say regenerate I mean the users actual hand will regenerate instead of having it cut off when the earth hand is cut.
No markings of time then.
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Genin

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Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:53 pm

Edited. (Extra for word count)
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Chuunin

avatar
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
190/190  (190/190)

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:45 pm

4x? That is way too OP. Your clan is really double-edged. Can't you think of a moderate medium between the buffs and the drawbacks? I'd recommend something similar to increasing the Strength & Speed by 2 ranks for 40 chakra per post for a 7 post duration.
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Genin

avatar
Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:48 pm

Edited for the last time.
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Chuunin

avatar
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
190/190  (190/190)

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:49 pm

You did not include the chakra cost. You could remove the "the user can not battle for the rest of the topic. " This way so that you can keep battling after the duration of the ability.
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Genin

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Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:52 pm

Edited. Add the chakra cost.
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Chuunin

avatar
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
190/190  (190/190)

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Wed Dec 17, 2014 12:45 am

Your clan's ability needs a duration & cooldown. Turn it into a jutsu.
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Genin

avatar
Kritika
Male Posts : 9
Ryo : 0

PostSubject: Re: Ushiji Clan   Wed Dec 17, 2014 12:50 am

Edited. Extra for word count.
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