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Village News
The islands in Ocean Country have been celebrating the arrival of the next Umikage, Saizo. The long bridge leading to SHIPPUUGAKURE NO SATO has been closed for outsiders because they wish to celebrate this moment with Ocean Country natives only.
As usual, the Storm Country has been hosting the Asgard Games to welcome their Kanetsukage, Cornelia. It's a double special occasion because Cornelia is also the first female Kanetsukage. She has been picked for her courage, loyalty and outstanding power by the BOUFUUGAKURE NO SATO elders.
Not only that, but the Cherry Blossom Country has become relieved as well. It seems that everyone is slowly picking up after the war now. KUSAMURAGAKURE NO SATO proudly presented their new Sakurakage, Altair.
TSUKIGAKURE NO SATO is still thriving on the merchants coming in and out. They have not experienced anything special lately. Their wealth has remained the same as they were not forced to invest into shinobi unlike the others.
On the cold isles of the Blizzard Country, HYOUGAGAKURE NO SATO has still refused to create a free traveling policy. Some habits never change. To protect their traditions, they have even warned outsiders to not interfere with their matters.
Now that everyone is picking up again, who will come out on top?
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 Jiin

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Genin

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Michio
Posts : 85
Ryo : 49508

PostSubject: Jiin   Thu May 28, 2015 10:46 am



Clan Information

Jiin

Bloodline Name: Ansari

Bloodline Ability: The Jiin clan is extremely in tune with their elemental chakra, so much so that they are viewed as being one with it. They seem to flow with it effortlessly, and that isn't any illusion. If the Jutsu is of the element of the user then a D rank jutsu costs 8 chakra points instead of ten, a C rank jutsu costs 16, a B rank jutsu costs 24 instead of costing 30 chakra, an A rank costs 32 chakra instead of 40, and an S rank jutsu costs 40 chakra instead instead of 50.

This has very strong draw backs. The user can learn only a single element and no more than that. And all jutsu that are not elemental will cost five chakra points more than they normally would.

Physical Traits: Every member of the clan is born with white hair, and when their chakra element is discovered their hair is dyed accordingly: red for kat, light blue for fuu, brown for dot, dark blue for sui, and blonde for rai.

Location: Hyougagakure

Clan History: Believed to have come simply from far to the West from the village, or anything close to it, several centuries ago, the Jiin clan was very closed off from the rest of the world. They seemed to bring their culture with them and be horrified of it being in any way dirtied by the new land they now called home, though only through gritted teeth. They were the rulers in their old homes, but were very corrupt. This corruption being discovered lead to their migration all that time ago.

Their self seclusion made it so that the majority of the people in the village didn't trust them, which was fitting since they secluded themselves to make it clear that they didn't trust the villagers. The distrust from the villagers to the Jiin was much more hidden than the latter. This wasn't because of any great shinobi or the power of the Jiin's bloodline ability, but the fact that there was just so much to be gained from being polite to them. They brought with them all of their kingly wealth, their royal blood money.

Their money lead to people wanting to appease them, and after a sizable ammount of time had passed they had just become part of the village aristocracy with nobody being the wiser. They went from the immigrants to a respected group, but still never got into the government. The monarchy of the village hidden in the glaciers made it so that they couldn't get back into power, which kept them safe. There is also a secret agreement within the clan that none of them will become the kage. They also hire their servants within the family, everybody serves their elders and younger clansmen ages ten to fourteen to keep them humble.

D-RANK

Name: Fanoos
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: offensive
Element: fire
Range: the user's palm
Specialty: ninjutsu
Duration: three turns max
Cooldown: two turns
Description: The palm or palms of the user light up in a low heat flame. It was originally used as a lantern for members of the clan to get around safely at night, and then got a myriad of other uses. It's like having a lighter for your hand. If used with a grab, a palm strike, or an open hand smack then it can do a quick first degree burn. It can also ignite some things: paper, brush, cloth, and other similar things. The user is only able to ignite smaller and already dry, flammable things.

Name: Balanabal
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightening
Range: User's finger tips
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: one turn
Cooldown: two turns
Description: The user creates a flow electricity in their arms that goes into their fingers. They lunge at their enemies with a two finger jab that is enough to shock but not really injure their opponent. It lands like a jolt instead of a bolt. The victim can be stunned for a a few moments or one turn if a blow is successfully dealt to the forehead, spinal cord, or bicep. Breath can be taken away by a blow to the lungs for a single turn. A blow to the heart can cause a pulse quicken nearly to the point of cardiac arrest for a turn, causing great pain and discomfort to the victim.

C-RANK

Name: Alzera a Lahajir
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary
Element: Earth
Range: The user's forearm
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: one turn
Cooldown: four turns
Description: Chakra builds up in the user's forearm, turning it into a mineral similar to black marble. The user's speed drops by one rank, but they can block attacks one rank higher than their endurance would normally allow if they use that forearm. If struck by a weapon of a higher quality material the stone will chip, and translate to real injuries equal to whatever magnitude the stone was damaged after the end of the jutsu.

S-RANK

Name: Shatan
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: S
Type: Supplementary
Element: Fire
Range: 30 foot radius
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: 3 turns
Cooldown: 10
Description: The user's body turns into a wicked and malleable flame that can cause instant third degree burns when used in an offensive or defensive setting..Their body obeys all of the laws of fire but with their original human will, and if hit by a water jutsu that is ranked C or higher or enough water to equal a third of their body mass they will instantly revert back to their normal form. A B or higher ranked wind jutsu will do the same. An A rank Earth jutsu can also revert the user back to their original form. Water causes them pain in that form. The user can extend extra arms, flightless wings, or any other shape as long as it doesn't surpass 30 feet from the user's body. These appendages will each cost an extra 40 chakra points and will work only to extend reach. If they touch fire apart from themselves they can use it to extend the reach of their attacks and take control over it. This includes fire jutsu used by other shinobi. They will only be able to take about a third control over a fire jutsu that is ranked S. No taijutsu or weapons based jutsu will have any effect on the user while they are in this form.


Last edited by Michio on Sat May 30, 2015 1:27 am; edited 3 times in total
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Fubukikage

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Xavier
Male Posts : 1341
Ryo : 328713

Character sheet
Chakra:
480/480  (480/480)

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Fri May 29, 2015 1:10 am

Ello ello I shall be reviewing your clan, do cut me some slack as I am a bit rusty when it comes to the ole reviews and such :p

Fanoos

  • No D-Rank will be causing immediate 2nd degree burns
  • Can the palm ignite items?
  • Is it resistant to water?

    Balanabal
  • I advise against using nerve specific, the target area is extremely small and in a battle it would be extremely hard to determine whether or not a nerve was actually struck or not. Up to you though.
  • Given that this is a D-rank I can't agree to immediately paralysis of an unknown area, you strike a certain nerve but what exactly would be paralyzed the nerve itself?
  • Duration of said paralysis?

    Alzera a Lahajir
  • So if the user's arm is struck by a force stronger than their endurance allots what happens to the arm? is it destroyed, damaged, what?
  • What is the effect of blades on the arm, whether they are made of a stronger material or not?
  • The range says forearm but the description says the arm as a whole, decide on one please.

    Shatan (Now this is an S-Rank so bare with me)
  • Firstly an opinion on my part, this S-Rank seems restricted to those who chose Katon/Fire as their element leaving those who decide to go with a different element unable to use this technique ever (Based off of your KKG) seems a bit unfair to those not a fan of fire but that's just me, no need to change tis just something to think about ONWARD!!

  • Now it says water reverts them back to normal but it also causes them pain. So how much pain are we talking here if the jutsu is cancelled by a C rank technique?
  • How many arms can be created in this form?
  • Can the wings be used to fly? Launch flames?
  • "Anything else" is too broad, can you specify what exactly the user can create in this form? I don't want people summoning giant dinosaurs made of flames unless it is specified, you get me?
  • Now when you mean add it to your power does it make you stronger? or is it control over the flame only?
  • If you are touched what would be the effect?
  • Now I can't allow you to be completely immune to Earth jutsu, A-Ranks will deal half the damage and S-Ranks will deal full damage, weapons and Taijutsu I can understand and will allow unless the weapon or taijutsu has a water element added to it. reasonable?
  • If the fire is of S-Rank you will not be able to take control of it completely, the power of the technique will be reduce to a third of it's original affect.


If you have any comments, concerns, or objections to what I have said and have requested you change state them and justify them at your leisure.
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Genin

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Michio
Posts : 85
Ryo : 49508

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Fri May 29, 2015 9:06 am

I mad some edits and hope that everything is up to par now!
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Seinin

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Storm
Male Posts : 263
Ryo : 3006

Character sheet
Chakra:
350/350  (350/350)

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Sat May 30, 2015 1:06 am

Hello. I am Storm Uchiha. I will also be grading your clan! Let's see how we did, shall we?

Anything other than the jutsu's:
  • Everything seems to be fine here. No problems found.


Balanbal:
  • Since you wish to paralyze an opponent, change the targets to the forehead, spinal cord (which will be the back), and the biceps since those are the main nerves in the body. If you were to attack the heart with that jutsu then it will only speed up the opponents blood pump; and the lungs may prevent the opponent from breathing. If you want to still add these two, I would say that each would last for one post.


Alzera a Lahajir:
  • I will allow this jutsu to block an attack ONE rank higher than theirs.


Shatan:
  • What type of burn does this cause the opponent? Does it even burn the opponent or is it just used as extended limbs?
  • A rank Earth jutsu's you shall not be immune to. However, I will allow the stipulation that two A rank earth attacks are needed to combat this jutsu.
  • Xavier raises a good point in asking if the user can fly with this jutsu's wings.
  • Please state that one extended limb costs 40 chakra.
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Genin

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Michio
Posts : 85
Ryo : 49508

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Sat May 30, 2015 1:30 am

Bump! I fixed what you asked me to fix, or at least tried my very hardest!
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Seinin

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Storm
Male Posts : 263
Ryo : 3006

Character sheet
Chakra:
350/350  (350/350)

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Sat May 30, 2015 1:44 am

Nice job. I approve this clan.
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Fubukikage

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Xavier
Male Posts : 1341
Ryo : 328713

Character sheet
Chakra:
480/480  (480/480)

PostSubject: Re: Jiin   Sat May 30, 2015 2:01 am

I second this approval. The Clan has been added to the database.
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